


Everything we were

by FleetingPieces



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Get Together, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Era, Hurt/Comfort, KIND of canon, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Alternating, POV Remus Lupin, POV Sirius Black, Slow Burn, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28011444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FleetingPieces/pseuds/FleetingPieces
Summary: Did I feel like I had to write another Marauder era fic cause I love them too much? Why yes I didRemus Lupin never thought he would be able to go to Hogwarts; his whole life he was prepared for that, so he wasn't surprised when his letter didn't arrive for his 11th birthday.Sirius Black doesn't know much about the real world, but he is not sure about a lot of things going on with his family. Doubts start filling his mind, but he is still positive everything will be fine.What is waiting for them without neither of them knowing about it?(lol I suck so much at summaries, but how do you summarise 8-9 whole-ass years into here?)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

The room was completely dark when Remus Lupin suddenly woke up. He hated waking up in the middle of the night, it brought back memories he would certainly like to forget. The faint red light coming from the alarm clock on his desk casted faint shadows, which was the only reason why he could vaguely make out the shapes in his empty room. He breathed out slowly, trying to calm his nerves.

_ There’s no one there, everything is fine. _

He repeated that a few times like a mantra before glancing at the time, that read 10.30 pm in glowing numbers. There was only one hour and a half left of his eleventh birthday.

The feeling of disappointment was mild. He had already cried about it to his mum before he had gone to bed, and his dad had prepared him for this possibility for years, so he told himself he had been stupid for waiting for that letter anyway. That morning, when he had woken up to both his parents wishing him a happy birthday, he had tried very hard not to show them how much he was looking forward to checking the mail. But the day had come and gone, and no owls had visited their old cottage. Remus didn’t know much about it, but he was sure if he had been accepted at Hogwarts, he would have received word of it already.

It wasn’t that he really wanted to go to that school. He had already resigned himself to staying at home, given his special circumstances. Anyway, he didn’t need it ‘cause he was home-schooled. His dad had done his best to teach him everything he could about magic, without giving him too many details about his own time at Hogwarts, as it would be too painful. His mum had also taught him a few of the usual muggle subjects. They had been very patient and comforting when he turned five, and they had to explain why he wouldn’t be able to go to any school, wizarding or muggle. They had promised they would do anything to make him feel like he wasn’t missing out on anything.

“My love, we know you would prefer to meet other kids your age, but I promise you we will love you enough to compensate for everything.” His mother had cradled him in her lap, stroking his hair while saying those words with a sad smile on her face. Hope and Lyall had kept that promise, doting on him without restraints.

And Remus was very happy. He told himself he didn’t need more than this, both his parents loved him deeply and gave him everything they could, even with their limited resources. Not that Remus asked for much, he knew the family’s situation and the only thing he needed was company.

So no, Remus didn’t need a stupid letter.

He turned around in bed, preparing himself to sleep again, when he heard the voices. His ears perked up, curiosity getting the better of him, and he pressed his lips trying to listen. His mum and dad’s hushed voices drifted up, but there was another one he didn’t recognize. Remus frowned. Why was there someone at their house at this hour?

Slowly, the small boy crept out of bed and tiptoed to the door, cracking it open a tiny fraction. It sounded like they were in the living room downstairs, but he still couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying. As quietly as he could, he padded bare footed down the stairs, stopping just before the entrance to the room, where a warm fire was blazing.

“How do you know about it Dumbledore?”

Remus held his breath in surprise at the tone in his Dad’s voice. There was anger in it, but also something else, something Remus had only heard from his father on the first days after That Night. Fear. Cold, crippling fear that brought back memories of blood, pain and despair. Remus shook his head to get rid of them.

“Lyall, my old friend, please do not worry.” The stranger’s voice was old, wise and soothing. “I can assure you I have no intention of giving you any trouble at all.”

“But how do you  _ know _ ?! We were so careful, we tried to–”

“I am aware.” The old man interrupted. “Like I said, please don’t worry. As you may know, with the way things are going, I have decided to set a few spies of my own in place. One of them was watching over Greyback.”

Remus heard his parents’ sharp intake of breath, and a small, fearful sob that wobbled out of his Mum. They were quiet for a few seconds, the air in the room seemed to shift and still, forcing Remus to fight the urge to burst in and ask what they were talking about.

“Indeed,” the stranger continued as if answering something Remus’ parents couldn’t say out loud. “He was boasting about what he did and my spy picked up on it. The secret is safe, we will do our best so that no one else finds out. But I thought it would be better to come in personally to deliver this.”

There was a sound of rustling paper and another sob from Hope, this time a surprised one. Silence fell again for a few minutes and Remus was just about to peek around the corner when his dad spoke again.

“Dumbledore…This is more than we could ever hope for…but I am not sure this is the safest path for my son.”

Remus jumped at the last word, a small gasp escaping his lips. Why were they talking about him? There was a beat of stillness in the room as he covered his mouth to remain quiet. He waited until the conversation resumed again before risking a look around the corner, barely half of his face timidly poking out. His parents were sitting together, their backs facing Remus, and in front of them was the most eccentric wizard Remus had ever seen in his short life. He was wearing dark purple robes with golden stars and moons, and a matching hat. White hair and beard went past his shoulders, merging together, almost hiding the knowing smile on his face. He directed that smile at Remus as soon as he had appeared, looking at him straight through his half-moon spectacles with a twinkle in his eyes, making the young boy jump again.

“Well, I am fairly certain Remus would like to have a say in this.”

Hope and Lyall spun around as Remus stood awkwardly at the door, fiddling with his hands and looking sheepish. His mum got up at once, coming to put her hands on his cheeks.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing down here? You should be sleeping.” She stroked his hair gently.

“I heard voices…” he said, before looking up at the old wizard. “Who is that?”

The man called Dumbledore stood up, coming over to shake his hand. “Happy birthday, Remus. I am Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts.” Remus’ eyes widened, and his heart started beating so fast it felt like a drum inside his little body. “I take it by your expression that you’ve heard of Hogwarts?”

Remus nodded cautiously. “Not much really…but it’s the school where kids learn everything about magic.”

It sounded like a question, and with his words Lyall seemed to come to life again, as he stood up as well. “Now wait a second, Dumbledore. We still haven’t decided anything, you can’t just go to my son and–”

“Lyall, please.” Hope’s voice was soft, but it made his dad stop in his tracks. “Maybe we should listen to what he has to say. We’ve always believed Remus wouldn’t be able to go to school, but if there’s even a slight chance…” Her voice cracked, eyes lined with silver. “I want him to have a normal childhood.”

Lyall looked like he wanted to argue, but he also couldn’t deny Hope something they’d both wanted so much but had deemed impossible. He nodded, defeated. Dumbledore beamed at the boy, gesturing to the seating area.

“Would you fancy a game of gobstones?”

Remus was taken aback but he nodded, dropping gingerly to the floor in front of Dumbledore’s armchair as the old man sat down again. He wasn’t an expert on people but he was weary, the old bloke was just weird. Could this all be a prank? No, his parents wouldn’t allow something so cruel. He eyed every move the man made as he waved his wand to produce a set of stones between them.

“Your mother was just telling me you are very good at studying?”

Remus shrugged, flipping his first stone. “I wouldn’t know…But I like reading. There’s not much else for me to do in the house. Oh, I also like helping Mum when she is cooking.” He looked up at Hope, who smiled affectionately at him. Dumbledore chuckled, before asking casually.

“And how would you feel about coming to study at Hogwarts?”

Remus’ heart doubled in time again. Could this be real? He hadn’t dared believe it until that moment. He thought he’d lost his last hope today about going to wizarding school and all that it implied. Meeting other boys, making friends. He could imagine himself with a wand like the one his dad used, the same one that he sometimes held between his fingers when no one was looking. He could see himself surrounded by kids, learning all sorts of tricks, turning beetles into buttons, making things hover in the air.

Remus didn’t realize how much he was smiling until his cheeks started hurting. He couldn’t believe he would actually be able to do it! All his life, he knew he was different, that he couldn’t be around other people, that...

His mind came to an abrupt halt. He couldn’t let his thoughts go further than that. He felt himself deflate, shoulders slouching and eyes going down to his lap, because surely Dumbledore didn’t know what he really was. He had read, behind his parents backs, a few of the books about dark creatures that his dad had brought home in hopes to find a cure for him. These books were not very nice when depicting him, leaving no doubts as to what wizards thought of his kind. He’d understood long ago that he wasn’t allowed to go to school not only because he was dangerous, but also because everyone would hate him.

“I can’t.” He didn’t miss how miserable his own voice sounded, “I’m not like the other kids. I’m dangerous.”

“Forgive me if I offend you, Mr Lupin, but you don’t look very dangerous to me,” said Dumbledore, smiling kindly at him.

Remus looked angrily to the side when he felt the tears prickling his eyes. He had been so good at not expecting more than what he knew he could have. He had convinced himself time and time again that this was enough, his parents’ love was enough.

It had taken all but one question for him to realize how much he wanted everything he wasn’t allowed to wish for. And it had taken all but a few seconds to destroy that hope, and now he was aching all over. There was no taking that longing back now. He wanted to learn how to make cakes out of thin air for his Mum, he wanted to learn how to  _ defend _ himself. He didn't want to be helpless ever again, not after That Night. He wanted it. He really wanted to go. His voice sounded strained and desperate when he spoke next.

“You don’t understand. I’m…I’m a monster.”

“That’s not true!” Hope came in to hug him, but Remus scooted away, putting his arms around himself.

“Yes it is! I’m bad and I shouldn’t be around people! I could hurt them!”

He said this last bit looking at Dumbledore, willing him to understand, letting him know he would love to accept his offer, but it was better for everyone else if he didn’t. To his surprise, the old man was still smiling kindly at him, if not a little bit sad.

“Mr Lupin, I know perfectly well that you are a werewolf.”

Everything else froze then. Remus straightened up, surprised not only that the old man knew his secret, but also at his bluntness. Remus himself often tiptoed around the word, not to mention his own father. Dumbledore pushed further.

“But I see no reason why you shouldn’t attend Hogwarts. I am looking at you right now, and you seem like a normal boy to me. A slight setback one night a month should not be enough to keep you from your birthright.”

Remus wanted to laugh and scoff at the words “slight setback”, but weirdly enough they also comforted him. He could feel a sob ripping out of him, the tears that had gathered in his eyes spilling out.

“R-really? Ca-can I really go?”

Dumbledore’s expression softened. “Of course. I came here myself so I could discuss safety measures with your parents, and put them at ease.” He looked up at Hope and Lyall, the game of gobstones completely forgotten. Remus’ parents were standing there, unsure of how to react as Dumbledore suddenly adopted a business-like attitude. “I already have a plan of action, should you choose to accept my offer. I will make arrangements for the full moons, so that Remus can have a safe place to transform. It will be heavily protected with spells, and accessible only through a secret passage from the school grounds, guarded by a Whomping Willow. Madam Pomfrey, our school’s healer, will help young Remus to get there and heal him afterwards if needed.”

Remus dared a look at his parents. Lyall seemed at a loss for words at how fast things were going; Hope clearly didn’t understand everything Dumbledore had just said, but she was smiling brightly nonetheless. Dumbledore arched his eyebrows.

“I can assure you, I will do everything in my power to make sure Remus is safe and has a normal school life. Now Remus,” he looked down at him again, “I am sure you understand, given the prejudice around werewolves, that sadly not everyone will be as accepting, so it’s of the utmost importance to keep all of this a secret. Can you do that?” Remus hurried to nod, and the headmaster addressed his parents once more. “Does this sound like an acceptable plan to you?”

“Yes…yes!” Hope said eagerly, overwhelmed with images of her son surrounded with other kids his age, as he should be. Lyall just nodded, dumbfounded.

“So, Remus, I will ask you once again.” The wizard’s blue eyes were shining brightly when they pierced him, and Remus’ heart was beating like it was trying to run away from his own body. “Would you like to study at Hogwarts?”

Remus couldn’t help the way his face scrunched up with a new stream of tears coming down his cheeks, the sob in his throat that made him hiccough, or the way his chest seemed to expand with unbelievable joy. He almost wailed.

“Yes… _ Please _ , I want to go!” His eyesight was blurry, but he could feel his mum and dad kneeling next to him and hugging him, both crying as well. Dumbledore stood up, trying to give the family some privacy.

“Wonderful. Mr Lupin, I gave your letter to your dad. In there you will find everything you’ll need for the school year. I will see myself out.” He headed towards the entrance, stopping only for a few seconds. “I will see you again in a few months, Remus. I have no doubt you will do incredible things at Hogwarts.” He smiled down at the bundled family, and Remus tried to return one of his own through the tears.

“Thank you,” he said fervently.

The three of them stayed on the floor for a while, laughing and enjoying the moment even minutes after Dumbledore had left the house.

“Dad, can I see the letter?”

Lyall reached into his pocket and handed him the envelope that had his name written in green letters. They got up and settled together on the couch while Remus opened the flap, but before he could take out the piece of parchment, his dad put a gentle hand over his.

“Son, there’s something we should discuss first.” Remus’ heart dropped, but his dad smiled at him. “Don’t worry, I won’t say no to this.” He scoffed. “Seems to me that you will probably be more protected at Hogwarts anyway. It has always been your mom and mine’s dream to see you attend Hogwarts, you showed signs of magic from a very young age. However…”

He sighed, frowning. Then he turned so he was facing Remus completely, making sure the boy was looking at him and paying him full attention.

“Other than Dumbledore, you can’t trust anyone. Like he said, werewolves are frowned upon,” he said with a pained expression that Remus wasn’t sure how to interpret. “So whatever happens, you must not let anyone know about this, ok?” Lyall grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him a bit in the process. “I am really,  _ really _ sorry to have to say this Remus, but you are gonna have to be very careful around the kids at school. I know you want to make friends, but they will not trust you if they find out. You would be putting yourself in danger, we can’t risk that. No one can ever know. No one. Do you understand?”

Lyall looked a little maniac by the end of his speech, the hold on his son was almost painful. He didn’t let go of Remus’ shoulders until the boy nodded slowly and said, “Yes dad, I understand.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I probably shouldn’t do this cause I’ve only just started posting my neighbour fic, but this is the first Wolfstar fic I’ve ever written and I’ve been thinking about sharing it for months now, soo…here goes nothing I guess
> 
> This is a Marauder era fic, it’s a long WIP, but I’m VERY excited about it, I would love to know what you guys think!  
> As always, thanks for reading ❤️


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The meeting scene between James, Sirius, Snape and Lily in this chapter is adapted from a Harry Potter book, and consequently does not belong to me, I just built the story around it.

Everything was quiet at number twelve Grimmauld Place. It was the middle of the night after all, everyone was supposed to be sleeping. But then again, twelve Grimmauld Place was not like most households. For example, if you were to go inside (not that you could), you probably wouldn’t be able to tell that two little kids lived there. Most children would leave a trail of toys and messiness around, and light up the place with laughter.

In this residence though, everything was dark. The walls, the floors and most of the people that lived inside. Light just seemed to be absorbed by the very house, leaving an almost permanent gloomy atmosphere. Every room had a sense of royal dignity, and the only sign that there were children living in the building could be found in the two rooms on the top floor. In there, small snippets of young disarray and life could be seen, even if the house elf tried to keep everything up to the standards of such an important family: A broom fallen on the floor, quidditch magazines under the bed and a deck of exploding snap discarded on top of a desk. It was also there that you could hear the whispered laughter. Just like tonight.

On top of the bed in one of the dark rooms, a makeshift tent was erected with bed covers, and the silhouettes of two young boys were drawn on the canvas. Sirius Black was huddled underneath, being careful not to drop the lamp he had brought in so he and his brother Regulus could read the letter for what felt like the hundredth time.

“I can’t believe you are going to Hogwarts tomorrow.”

“Well you better believe it dear brother, ‘cause I’m going to make history!” Sirius grinned at Regulus like a madman, making him giggle.

“You are 11, what do you mean ‘ _ make _ history’?”

“I am working through my options little Reggie, but I was thinking I should definitely try and ride that giant squid.”

That made Regulus laugh harder and roll on the bed, clutching his stomach. Sirius smiled at him affectionately.

“I’m being serious here, Reg.”

“As fun as it would be to see you thrown around by giant tentacles, you probably shouldn’t.” Regulus stopped laughing and got more thoughtful. “Please be careful brother, you don’t want to disappoint mother.”

Sirius frowned at this. His brother was right of course, but the mention of their parents brought that familiar heavy feeling in his chest. Even if he tried, there were always things that made his parents feel  _ disappointed _ . He didn’t walk straight enough, didn’t study hard enough, he corrupted his brother by hugging and laughing too much. Sirius didn’t know many kids other than the ones in his family, but he sometimes thought that the way they were brought up was not completely normal. The coldness from the house and his parents made him sad, and the only reason why he knew that he wanted more was because of the nice fuzzy feeling he got whenever he and Reg were playing together out of their parents' sight.

Orion and Walburga Black were very strict, the most important things for them being reputation and power. Sirius didn’t really care about any of those, even if he did like the attention. He wondered, not for the first time, if he should talk about his discomfort with Regulus, but his brother didn’t seem to have the same doubts, he was always happy to please their parents. Then again, Reg was his only friend. Sirius bit his lip for a second, making up his mind. He had just opened his mouth when he was suddenly interrupted.

“Where do you think the Slytherin common room is?”

Sirius pursed his lips. “I heard Bella and Narcissa say that it’s in the dungeons, underneath the lake.” He frowned, considering. “Not sure I believe that last part, to be honest.”

“I guess you will find out soon enough,” said Reg, glancing up with an excited smile that made Sirius shift uncomfortably. It was now or never.

“Reggie…do you think that our parents…” He stopped, taking a deep breath. “I mean. Do you ever think what they say is not right?”

Reg’s smile fell, suddenly he looked scared and glanced around, as if he thought their mother might be hiding in the wardrobe. “What do you mean?”

“Well it’s just that sometimes I don’t understand. This blood thing for example. It’s not really the mudblood’s fault, so why hate them? They didn’t do anything wrong, right?”

“I don’t know Siri…Mum and Dad must know what they are talking about.”

“I don’t know how to explain it, it just doesn’t feel like that to me!” Sirius huffed, frustrated. It never really made sense to him, why be against someone just because of who their parents were? Sirius didn’t know  _ why _ it felt weird to him, all of his cousins and the few kids he knew, like Malfoy, believed in this speech. With the possible exception of Andromeda, but no one spoke about her anymore. “I think there should be more to it. But mum always tells me off when I ask questions.”

Reg’s eyes widened, he looked positively nervous now, but also a bit awestruck.

“You asked her?”

“Yeah,” Sirius rubbed his ear absent-mindedly, exactly where his mum pulled whenever he questioned her. Then he scoffed. “Not that she ever gave me any answers.”

Regulus caught Sirius’ hands and held on tight to them, looking at him earnestly. “Siri, please be careful. Try to stay out of trouble, don’t give mum any excuses to…” He stopped himself and looked down. When his eyes found Sirius’ again, they were shining. “I’m going to miss you.”

Sirius’ body relaxed at his little brother’s words. “Don’t worry, a little hex on a fellow student every now and then is fine.” Sirius winked. Then he tugged at Regulus’ hands, pulling him into a tight embrace. “I will miss you too Reg. But think about it, next year we’ll be together at school! We won’t have to hide in our rooms to play then.”

They both grinned at each other as that idea settled in.

“Yeah! Then we can spend time in the common room! Not sure how I feel about the dungeons though...” Regulus pulled a face that Sirius wanted to laugh at, but instead he stared at his lap to avoid his brother’s excitement. He fidgeted before he gathered the courage to speak up again.

“What if…what if I am not in Slytherin?” When Regulus gasped, Sirius hurried to add, “I mean, it wouldn’t matter, right? Even if we end up in different houses it would be fine! …Right?” He looked up hopefully at Regulus’ weary expression, his heart clenching.

“But Siri…Every Black has been sorted into Slytherin before. Even Andromeda! And you know how she is…”

“I know, but I don’t think I would fit in...I feel like I don’t belong there. But I don’t believe it matters that much anyway.”

Regulus watched Sirius silently, feeling impressed. He worshipped Sirius. The feeling he got from his older brother had always been one of love and acceptance. He knew that no matter what, Sirius would always wait for him with open arms, talk to him like nothing mattered other than the two of them, and listen to him when something was making Reg anxious.

“Please, just…don’t forget about me.”

“’Course I won’t Reggie! I will write to tell you everything. And even if we are not in the same house, you will always be my little brother.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

They both smiled again, hugging one last time before Sirius got up and placed the lamp back on the desk. He wanted to stay with Reg so they could sleep together before he had to leave. He knew Reg wanted the same thing by the way the smaller boy was looking at him, and the small sound of protest he made, but they both knew Walburga would never approve. Instead, Sirius tucked his little brother in and ruffled his hair.

“I love you Reggie.”

Regulus pulled the covers up to his nose, too embarrassed to say it out loud. He knew he wasn’t supposed to. But Sirius knew. He smiled fondly at Regulus, closed the door on his way out and headed to the room across the hall. Lying under his own covers, Sirius thought for a while about everything they had spoken about.

Being alone there, his bed felt awfully cold.

Platform 9 ¾ seemed almost too bright and noisy the next morning. Parents were hugging their children and saying goodbye, students were laughing with their friends, reunited after a long summer apart, with the red engine belching clouds of white smoke over the chattering crowd. Sirius just stood there, back straight, trying not to show how marvelled he was. His mother was standing next to him, looking at everyone down her nose with a sneer on her face. Glancing the other way quickly to hide his frown, Sirius’ eyes landed on a young woman with blond hair, who was crouched down in front of a small tawny haired boy, hugging him tightly with a smile on her face. He wasn’t sure why the sight made him feel uncomfortable, but still he couldn’t look away. Apparently it was more common than he thought, to hug your kid like that in front of everyone. Most parents at the station were doing it. His mind drifted, wondering how it would feel like to have someone fuss affectionately over him like that.

“Sirius.”

His Mum’s stern voice broke his train of thought, making him look up at her expectantly. He  _ was  _ going to be away for a very long time. Maybe his mum would hug him too?

“Stand up properly, you are slouching. Do not forget, you are not like these people.”

Straightening his back so much it almost hurt, Sirius tried to hide his disappointment. He squared his shoulders and lifted his chin, but his mum was still giving him a severe look.

“Now go along. And don’t forget where you come from, Sirius.  _ Toujours Pur _ . Do not mingle with filth.” She said the last part while looking at a boy in front of them, who was jumping excitedly next to his parents. He had dark hair and was pointing at the train while tugging repeatedly at his mum’s sleeve, both adults were laughing and smiling fondly at him.

“Yes, mother.” Sirius used the distraction to covertly squeeze Reg’s hand before dragging his trunk to the closest carriage. He tried not to run and keep a dignified air about him, something that was really hard to do given the excitement that was starting to take over his whole body.

As soon as he was out of sight from his mum, his posture relaxed visibly. Sirius found an empty compartment and went straight to the window for a final wave, but his mother was already dragging Regulus out of the station. Scowling, he sat down and tried not to feel hurt, which became easier to do as the idea of finally going to Hogwarts seized him again with a new wave of enthusiasm. Soon, he was daydreaming about what it would be like. He knew it wasn’t right, but he just couldn’t wait to learn magic and do something  _ fun _ . More than that, he couldn’t wait to make friends. Sirius got comfortable on his seat, putting his back against the window so he wouldn’t have to see the parents loitering there for a last goodbye, and stretched his legs in front of him on top of the seat.

There was a sudden noise outside when someone opened the door loudly, and a boy around his age came in smiling.

“Hey mate! Can I sit here?”

It was the dark haired boy from before, the one his mother clearly didn’t want him to associate with. Sirius glanced at him slowly, considering. He was slight, his raven hair pointed in every direction and his robes, even though they were clearly new and expensive, looked dishevelled and carefree. There was an air about him of someone well cared for that Sirius felt unconsciously drawn to. The smile on his face was so big, Sirius could feel the corners of his own mouth quirking up. He couldn’t think of any reason to refuse him, the boy seemed nice enough, so Sirius offered a lazy smile in return.

“Yeah, ‘course you can.”

“Awesome. I’m James Potter, by the way,” the boy said before promptly throwing himself on the seat in front of Sirius.

“Sirius Black.”

“Black? I think the name rings a bell.”

Sirius scoffed and sat properly, making a great impression of the stuck up git his mother expected him to be.

“Of course it does. You should feel honoured, you are in the presence of the heir to The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.”

James laughed loudly and adopted a similar posture, one hand behind his back and the other drawn to his chest. He made a mock bow, and spoke in a pompous tone.

“Well you, my friend, have the even greater honour of being in front of the heir to the Sleekeazy fortune.”

Sirius threw his head back and laughed in a way that somehow felt relieving. It was free and natural, and Sirius found himself wondering if he’d ever laughed like that before.

“How can you be the heir to the most famous hair potion and still have a bird’s nest on your head!”

“Oy! I’ll have you know, I prefer my hair like this. Looks cooler.”

“Sure mate, whatever you say,” said Sirius, but he grinned.

Just as the train was starting to move, the compartment door slid open again, and a girl with red hair stormed in. She slumped on a seat as far away from the boys as possible and hid her face behind a curtain of her long hair. James and Sirius looked at each other and shrugged.

“So what do you reckon we’ll be learning first?” James asked.

“I don’t know, but I can’t wait to try this Bat-bogey hex I’ve read about.”

“Cool! I asked my Dad to teach me some hexes, but Mum refused. Said I was enough trouble as it is. But Dad helped me hide some dung bombs in my trunk when Mum wasn’t looking,” said James with a mischievous smirk on his face.

As time went by, Sirius was surprised to find himself feeling more and more relaxed. Talking to James was so easy, he didn’t have to think about his every word before speaking. It was natural. James was the opposite of all the kids he’d met before. He was lively and easy going, but sure of himself in a way that wasn’t obnoxious like most of the purebloods Sirius knew.

The landscape outside the window was rolling at a high speed, and for the third time in what seemed like only a short while, the door to the compartment opened. Another dark haired boy, already in his Hogwarts robes, came in and sat in front of the girl, muttering something to her. The two boys ignored them, too engrossed in their own conversation, until the new boy started getting excited, and his voice louder.

“This is it! We’re off to Hogwarts! You’d better be in Slytherin.”

At the last word, James’ head snapped up.

“Slytherin?” The two other students turned around to face him. “Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I’d leave, wouldn’t you?” James asked Sirius, who was lounging on his seat. Sirius frowned, feeling his heart sink a little.

“My whole family have been in Slytherin.”

“Blimey,” said James, “and I thought you seemed all right!”

Sirius grinned to hide his nervousness.

“Maybe I’ll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you’ve got the choice?”

James lifted an invisible sword.

“ _ ’Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!’ _ Like my dad.”

The boy by the door made a small, disparaging noise. James turned on him.

“Got a problem with that?”

“No,” he said, though his slight sneer said otherwise. “If you’d rather be brawny than brainy –”

“Where are you hoping to go, seeing as you’re neither?” interjected Sirius.

James roared with laughter. The red-haired girl, with her big green eyes that looked like she’d been crying, sat up, rather flushed, and looked from James to Sirius in dislike.

“Come on, Severus, let’s find another compartment.”

“Ooooo …”

James and Sirius imitated her lofty voice, and James smirked in their direction.

“See ya, Snivellus!”

The compartment door slammed, making the two boys roll in hysterics.

“What a git!”

“Maybe you can try that Bat-bogey hex on him,” said James, and they both burst out laughing again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little gift for @heyitssmiller and @hereforwolfstarr <3

The view of the castle from the middle of the lake took Remus’ breath away. Hogwarts was set on top of a cliff, its many towers pointing at the moon like spears, the numerous windows illuminated from the inside contrasting majestically against the night sky. Remus could almost feel the magic pulsating from it. 

The dark rippling waves reflected the golden light, gasps of admiration coming from all the boats around him. The massive game keeper, who had introduced himself as Hagrid, was a heavy weight at his back. Remus had chosen to sit with him so he could keep to himself and avoid other students, just like he had done on the train ride.

Saying goodbye to his parents had been harder than he cared to admit. Especially his Mum. Who would he talk to if not Hope? Through his lonely years of secrecy, his mother had been the one constant in his life, the rock that kept him grounded. He confided in her, and felt comfortable in her presence.

As the train had left the station that morning, he’d felt an undeniable sense of  _ dread _ . He would be alone now. Utterly alone. He hadn’t met that many people before, but at least his parents had been there for him. Now he wouldn’t even have that, and instead he found himself in a train full of students whom he couldn’t trust and that would turn him away in an instant if they found out about what he was. When was the last time he had even been around any kids his age? Two years at least, and even longer before that.

But, as the city landscape had given way to green rolling hills, he also felt…excited. Like some light had been ignited inside of him, and it couldn’t be put out. He was going to learn  _ magic _ . With his own wand, not just reading the books his dad brought for him. He could put up with being alone in exchange for some minimal sense of normalcy, even if he couldn't have it all. He had been so sure that he would never be able to go to school, that he still couldn’t quite believe he had been given a chance. And he was not going to let that go to waste.

So he had sat on a corner, looking through the window, avoiding the small talk the three second year hufflepuffs had tried to strike with him in the compartment.

The boat shook a bit under the mass of Hagrid, bringing Remus back to the present, and he gripped the wooden edge, scared that they would sink.

“Don’ yeh worry, this ruddy thing‘s made ter support me,” said Hagrid. “Yer Remus Lupin, ain’t ya?”

Remus jumped. “Um. Yeah. How did you know?”

“Ha! Yeh look exactly like yer dad! Great lad, that Lyall.”

“You know my dad?”

“’Course I do! Bloody interest in the Forbidden Forest, he had. Always wantin’ ter see the creatures in there, could hardly keep him out,'' he huffed a laugh.

Remus had no idea what the Forbidden Forest was or what sort of creatures his dad could have been so interested in, but he didn’t want to show how little he knew about Hogwarts by asking. He thought maybe he could ask more about his father’s time at school, but then his attention was brought to the dark tunnel they had just gone in at the side of the cliff, leading to an underground harbour.

A tall, dark haired witch in emerald-green robes was waiting for them, and soon they were being led to the Entrance Hall. The stone walls were lined with flaming torches, the ceilings were incredibly high, and in front of them was a huge marble staircase that led to the top floors.

The witch guided the first years through a small chamber, facing them once they were all inside.

“Welcome. I am Professor McGonagall, deputy Headmistress and Head of Gryffindor House. We’ll be going into the Great Hall soon to start the Sorting Ceremony, to determine which house you will be in through your time at Hogwarts.” Remus knew this much, his dad would occasionally mention Gryffindor Tower and his common room, but he didn’t know what the ceremony was about. Most of the students around him were whispering excitedly and he had to look down to hide the flush that was creeping onto his face. He decided right then he would try to learn as much as possible, as soon as he was able to. The tall witch opened the door, motioning to them. “Form a line and follow me.”

While organizing themselves, a kid behind Remus asked, “What do you think the ceremony is about?”

Remus looked back to a slightly plump, blond boy. He was about as short as Remus himself, and he felt kind of relieved to know that he wasn’t the only one lost there. He shrugged helplessly, turning around to focus on what was in front of him.

Going through the door, Remus tried not to gawk, but a gasp escaped his lips nonetheless. He was pleased when he realized he wasn’t the only one. The Great Hall was enormous, stone walls lined with high windows reaching up to the ceiling. Or lack of ceiling. Remus wasn’t sure, ‘cause all he could see was the cloudy night sky above him. Must be bewitched, he decided. Thousands of floating candles lighted up the faces of the students sitting on four long tables, placed in front of the smaller staff table at the top of the hall.

Professor McGonagall led them up there so they were facing the hundreds of students, making Remus shift uncomfortably. He had never seen so many people before, let alone all of them together in one room. It felt like they were all staring at him.

_ No one can know _ .

He had to remind himself a few times that they wouldn’t be able to tell what he was just by looking at him. Still, he tugged down on his sleeves, making sure his arms were fully covered.

Remus looked down again to avoid the gazes and noticed there was a four-legged stool in front of them. On top of the stool, McGonagall placed an old wizard’s hat. Everyone’s attention shifted to it when a rip near the brim of the hat opened and it started singing. It was an eerie, dazing sound that lasted for a few minutes, and as soon as it was over the Hall erupted in applause.

McGonagall stepped forward with a roll of parchment then. “When I call your name, sit on the stool and try on the Hat,” she said, and without further ado started reading out loud.

“Avery, Enos!”

A bulky looking boy with short brown hair walked to the front. He put on the Hat, sitting on the stool, and almost instantly the Hat shouted “SLYTHERIN!”

There was a round of applause from the table on the far right as Avery went to sit with the rest of the slytherins. A couple more kids were called forward, both of whom stumbled to the front before being sorted and sitting on their respective house tables. Then McGonagall called the next student.

“Black, Sirius!”

A hushed murmur came from the Slytherin table, as a student with wavy black hair and clear eyes walked to the front with lazy elegance. Remus recognized him as the boy that had been staring at him and his mother at Platform 9 ¾. He had looked at them so longingly it had made Remus feel uncomfortable in his mother’s arms, and Remus had made a point to avoid the boy’s compartment when he’d gotten on the train.

Despite the confidence with which the dark-haired boy walked, he looked nervous as he shoved the Hat onto his head. He sat perfectly still as the seconds dragged by. The Hat was taking longer with him than it had done with the other students, and some tension was rising in the air, although Remus couldn’t tell if it was from the boy or exactly where it was coming from. Everyone seemed to be sitting still, waiting, until –

“GRYFFINDOR!”

Black stayed there as if paralyzed. After a few seconds, he took the Hat off slowly and glanced with wide eyes to the Slytherin table, but then looked away quickly. There was a moment of shocked silence before the table on the far left broke into tumultuous cheer, and Black walked to the other gryffindors as if in a daze.

The list kept going, “Derwent, Adrian!” went into Ravenclaw, and a red haired girl by the name of “Evans, Lily!” was sorted into Gryffindor as well. Remus heard someone close to him cursing: a boy with a hooked nose was looking sourly at the girl as she sent him a sad little smile. Remus saw Black move up the bench to make room for her, but Evans took one look at him, made a disgusted face, and folding her arms firmly she turned her back on him. Remus wondered if he had been staring intently at her too when she was at the station.

The roll call continued, and maybe too soon there was a shout for “Lupin, Remus!”.

A sudden fear seized his body. Remus walked to the front feeling incredibly nervous. He tugged at his sleeves again, being very careful as he put the Hat on his head and sat on the stool. He stared at the black inside of the Hat as it fell over his eyes and waited, trying very hard not to squirm on the seat, but he ended up bouncing his leg anyway.

“Well, well, isn’t this interesting? I haven’t had a werewolf in over 300 years,” a voice whispered in his ear.

Remus’ thoughts turned cold, panicked. His secret was out so quickly he didn’t even last a freaking meal. But then he remembered that the Hat hadn’t said anything out loud about the rest of the students other than their houses.

“Yes, exactly,” the Hat continued. “You have a good brain, maybe Ravenclaw would be a good fit.”

Remus clasped his hands tightly on his lap, thinking furiously, “ _ Please don’t tell anyone _ .”

“Oh no, I am only here for the Sorting. It’s all here in your head, you see. I can see you’ve had to face hardships a lot of people wouldn’t even survive, but still you remain kind. Very mature for your age. Very interesting, indeed. It takes plenty of courage to be here despite your many fears, with an attitude like that you better be GRYFFINDOR!”

As the last word was shouted to the school, the Gryffindor table gave a loud cheer, and Remus headed over there feeling a bit queasy at the thought that a mere  _ hat _ had been able to tell his secret in just a few seconds. Fair enough, it clearly wasn’t just any normal hat, but he still felt so shaken that he didn’t even notice the pats on his back or Sirius Black making space for him as Remus sat next to the boy on the bench. He looked down at his lap, frowning. He was gonna have to be extra careful if he wanted to finish his school career without being chased by a mob.

“Hello,” a tentative voice came from beside him. Remus looked up to silver eyes and a hesitant smile. Up close, he noticed how expensive Black’s clothes looked, how he held himself like he was better than the rest of them. Remus was relieved right then that he had taken the time to fix the tiny hole on his sleeves before getting on the train. Sewing was a tedious task, one he couldn’t wait to be able to do magically, but he had learnt to do it early on so he could mend his clothes, and avoid making his parents spend extra money on him. He was painfully aware that taking care of him was expensive sometimes, particularly with the few times they had had to move from town to town.

Black was looking at him funny and Remus realized he had been staring for a while without saying anything. “Um, hi.” He flushed, cursing himself. Why would this fancy boy want to talk to him? Black’s smile turned soft, but then a cheer erupted around them as a boy called Peter Pettigrew got sorted into Gryffindor as well. Remus looked up to see the blond boy from before.

Pettigrew came to sit in front of them, looking very pleased with himself.

“Can’t believe I got into Gryffindor!” he gushed to Remus, who tried to give him a small smile. Pettigrew’s eyes got wider as he contemplated Black, but the raven-haired boy had his eyes on the front as McGonagall called the next name on the roll.

“Potter, James!”

A boy with a mop of wild black hair and a huge smile walked to the stool, moving like he owned the place. Remus envied that kind of confidence, and tried to straighten his back slightly as opposed to his usual hunched posture. As the Potter lad put on the Hat and sat down, he felt Black beside him tense up, but the Sorting Hat had barely touched the boy’s head when it screamed “GRYFFINDOR!”.

Potter flashed his teeth in a dazzling smile, walking with even more confidence to sit next to Pettigrew. His smile only grew when he looked at Black.

“How great is this? Can’t believe you actually broke the tradition, mate! That’s brilliant!”

Remus was almost sure Black's cheeks had gone slightly pink, but the boy still managed to give a lazy smile. “Yeah, I was a bit surprised myself.” Then he frowned, glancing unconsciously to the table on the opposite side, “I hope it’s ok.”

“Of course it is! This is the best house to be in! And we are together!” said Potter, practically bouncing on his seat. Black smirked at that.

“Yeah, I bet you would cry if you didn’t get to share a dorm with my magnificent self.”

“ _ Shut up.”  _ Potter laughed. “But yeah, it would have been a bugger to get my first friend sorted into Slytherin.” He smirked back, and Black’s eyes seemed to brighten, while Remus sunk on his seat.

_ It’s ok,  _ he repeated to himself,  _ I don’t need that, it’s ok. _

Every student looked up when McGonagall took the Hat away and an old wizard in royal blue robes stood at the staff table with open arms. Remus almost sprang up when he realized it was Dumbledore. He’d been so nervous about the whole ceremony, he hadn’t even noticed the Headmaster was there. Now that he thought about it, it would have been weird if he wasn’t.

Dumbledore gave a short welcome speech with an easy smile on his face, and Remus found himself smiling a real smile for the first time since he had left King’s Cross station. That is, until the Headmaster went on to the last bit of his speech.

“Lastly,” he said, “before we fill ourselves with warm food and I lose your attention completely, there’s an important announcement to make. I would like to remind you all that the Forbidden Forest is out of bounds to any student that doesn’t want to find themselves in deep trouble. And also,” he looked at Remus for just a fraction of a second, making Remus’ heart skip a beat. But then it was gone and Dumbledore was looking sternly at the students, “this year we have an addition to our school grounds. The Whomping Willow is a rare and valuable specimen that we’ve had the pleasure to receive as a donation. But I must warn you, it can be very violent, so all students are to keep away from it.”

There was a deafening silence as the words sank in, some students even gulped. Then Dumbledore smiled affably again and clapped his hands once. “Now let the feast begin!”

The dishes were suddenly piled with a wide range of delicious looking food. Everyone tucked in happily, as if they hadn’t just been given a warning about a very violent freaking  _ tree  _ that was on school grounds.

“But the Forbidden Forest…” Remus heard someone saying and he looked up.

Black and Potter were talking about the numerous,  _ dangerous _ beasts that were rumoured to dwell in the dark Forest. Remus didn’t like the excited way their eyes were shining.

He should definitely keep away from those two.


	4. Chapter 4

“GRYFFINDOR!”

When the Hat announced that to the whole school, Sirius felt the blood leave his face. His thoughts were all jumbled. He had always felt a bit different than the rest of his family, and in the last few years he’d started drifting further and further away from them. But the Blacks had always been in Slytherin. Yes, he had thought about the possibility of this happening, and some part of him actually felt  _ relieved _ , but it was still a shock to hear. His first reaction was to look up to the Slytherin table, smiling slightly at his cousin. When he saw Narcissa’s fuming glare however, his smile fell and he looked down. It had only been a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity before the gryffindors erupted in a wild applause and cheer.

He quickly took the Hat off and walked to the table, feeling dumbstruck, until his eyes found James’ and the boy gave him a thumbs up with a happy grin. Sirius relaxed a fair amount after that, kind of enjoying the bemused faces smiling up at him as he took a place on the bench.

The red haired girl from the train, Evans, was the second student to be placed in Gryffindor. Sirius tried to make some space for her, given that they were now housemates, but as soon as the girl recognized him, she threw a pointed look his way and promptly ignored him. Sirius rolled his eyes.  _ What a stuck up. _

Then a boy named Remus Lupin got called to the front and sat down with the Hat, shifting nervously. After only one second, Sirius saw the boy’s body go completely still, his face turning awfully pale. He wondered what the Hat could be telling him. But then the boy got sorted into Gryffindor as well; he came to sit down next to Sirius in a dazed state similar to  the one he himself had been in.

Two more girls were consecutively placed in their house. The gryffindors were almost howling at this point, but Lupin was looking down, not noticing anything around them, stuck in his own thoughts. So Sirius decided to take the initiative. They were going to spend basically 7 years together after all.

“Hello.”

He was faced with bright amber eyes, and it was only then that Sirius realized it was the lad from the station. The boy gave him an apprehensive once over, before his eyes stopped at the sleeves of his robes and stayed there. Sirius tilted his head as the silence dragged by. Then Lupin’s head snapped up and he replied shyly.

“Um, hi.”

Sirius smiled, somehow reminded of Regulus. He thought about something to say, but before he could come up with anything interesting, the students around him started cheering again, and a pudgy blond boy sat in front of them. Sirius suddenly thought of James and tried to locate him between the remaining students, finding him just as he was called over by Professor McGonagall.

When James put the Hat on his head, a sudden fear took hold of Sirius. What if James was sorted into another house? They had bonded so quickly the thought hadn’t even occurred to him. They wouldn’t be able to spend much time together if they were in different houses, and what if Sirius couldn’t make other friends?

His thoughts were put at ease fairly quickly though, as James was sorted into Gryffindor as soon as his bum had touched the stool.

The rest of the evening was a breeze of happiness for Sirius, with just a little prick of doubt. He knew his family was a bit obsessed with the snake house and purebloods, but surely they wouldn’t hate him for this. He could still achieve great results at school even if he was a Gryffindor, and he’d never really liked Narcissa anyway, so she could just bugger off. His parents wouldn’t care, right? 

However, he forgot all about that uneasiness when they were guided through the castle to the common room, and he and James struck an animated conversation with Nearly Headless Nick. All in all, it was a great start of his school life.

***

There was a draft coming from one of the windows of the big Charms classroom, making Remus shiver. He pulled at the sleeves of his jumper to cover his hands completely, the movement reminding him how uncomfortable he felt in his new uniform. He wasn’t used to clothes like this, most of his wardrobe at home was muggle. Jeans and sweatshirts were so much better than shirts, trousers and Merlin, that damned tie. How the hell was anyone able to make that thing look good and not a rumpled knot was beyond him. The only redeeming fact about the piece of clothing was whatever charm came with it. Remus had been surprised that morning before breakfast, when he’d gone through his trunk and found that his tie and the lines at the cuffs and neck of his jumper had changed from black to bright red and gold. He was faintly aware that he shouldn’t have been so surprised by it, but he just couldn’t help but try to figure out which spell was used on the school uniforms.

A loud thump beside him made him look up.

“Man, how did you find the classroom so fast? I’ve been wandering around for ages with those bloody staircases and whatnot. Had to ask a prefect to help me!” Pettigrew ranted, noticing with a weary glance that he was the last one in, but he seemed relieved that the class hadn’t started yet.

Remus gave him a noncommittal hum. He had been avoiding the other boys as much as he could since the feast last night, which wasn’t easy given that apparently all four of them would be sharing a dorm together. It made things so much more complicated. Remus had to take special care to get changed in their private bathroom, he didn’t want any of them seeing his body.

Pettigrew opened his mouth to say something more, but then Professor Flitwick appeared behind the desk, standing on top of a pile of books that didn’t look too steady, if you asked Remus.

“Alright students, please take out your wands,” he said with a squeaky voice. “Today we are going to learn about the Levitation Charm. This charm is an excellent test of your magical skills, wand control, and above all, patience!” *

Remus felt the excitement filling him up. Finally, he would be able to try his new wand! He hadn’t dared use it at his house, to risk giving the Ministry an excuse to visit them and find out about him. No, Remus had been very careful and had pushed down on his anxiety.

But now he could finally try his hand at some spells!

Looking up at the Professor with bright eyes, he listened carefully to the explanation, taking in every detail of the demonstration. He actually knew most of the theory already, as he had read about it while at home.

“Now, try it yourselves. Don’t forget to do the right wand movement!”

Remus looked at the big white feather in front of him. To keep the nervousness from showing, he gripped his wand tightly, feeling a warm sensation spreading to his fingers. The students around him were chanting the spell out loud, the swish of wands drifting through the air, whoops of joy when someone got it right.

_ It’s ok, calm down already,  _ Remus thought to himself.

He squared his shoulders, flicked his wand once…and nothing happened. His eyebrows drew together as he tried again. Nothing. He could clearly hear other students had succeeded already, but his feather was as unmoving as it had been when he’d set it on top of the desk. Maybe he was doing something wrong? After a few more tries with the same result, Remus started panicking. Was he not good enough? Did he have zero magical skill? Would the Headmaster realize he’d made a mistake and send him back home?

Then a darker, scarier thought crossed Remus’ mind. What if it had to do with him being a creature? Was he too much of a monster already that he couldn’t use magic anymore? His condition had taken so much from him already, that he wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case. He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

Remus was scared to look up, but if his lack of magic was a characteristic of his kind, he had to make sure that no other student had noticed. No one could know. Glancing around, he saw Pettigrew waving his wand frantically, sweat forming on his forehead, the white plume in front of him lying lazily on the table. With a tiny bit of hope, he noticed that quite a few students were still having problems, even if most of them seemed to have gotten at least some reaction from their feathers. Except from him and Pettigrew, that is. Apparently, they were the only ones not accomplishing anything.

Remus exhaled a relieved breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He wasn’t a complete monster yet.

The teacher had said they would need patience, so he kept trying and trying, purposefully avoiding to look at Potter and Black, who were making their own quills clash around in the air while laughing. The theory was all in his head, the words and wand movement fresh in his memory, but he just couldn’t wrap his head around the way magic was supposed to  _ work _ . The practical part of it was completely new, he had no reference as to what it should be like, as he hadn’t had any way to practice this at home.

Just as the bell rang, Remus felt something clicking in his head. The feather made a turn in the air, making his heart skip a beat, and he smiled happily as it hovered shakily in front of his eyes.

“Merlin, at least you were able to do it in the end,” said Pettigrew with a bitter scowl.

The pudgy boy had only managed to make his quill toss and turn on the table top. Remus gave him a sympathetic smile.

“I think yours was taking off that last time.”

Pettigrew's face lit up a bit, and Remus wondered if maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. Was that comment too friendly?

“Good on you, Lupin!” said a voice from behind them. Remus turned around to face Potter, who had Black sitting right next to him. “A lot of people don’t get it on the first lesson. At least that’s what my Dad said.”

Remus didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t tell if they were making fun of him or not. All the other students were leaving already, the sound of shuffling feet on the hallways filling the air. So he gave Potter a small nod and hurried out as well, leaving the boys slightly stunned. He knew he was being rude, but he didn’t know how else to interact with them. It would be better if he didn’t have to do that at all.

The first year gryffindors had some free time before lunch and, thinking about ways to keep himself busy, Remus decided to explore the castle a bit. It really was a pain to get around without getting lost, Remus had only found the classroom by following other students discreetly. He wanted to get acquainted with every hall and passage, and he really wanted to figure out the pattern of those bloody moving staircases. He’d nearly fallen five floors that morning when one of them started moving just as he was getting on.

Remus reached the hallway on the third floor, thinking about how nobody seemed to mention anything about the multiple dangerous things the school housed. Maybe that was why he’d been allowed to attend.

He was so distracted that he didn’t notice there was something in his way until he bumped face first into it. Rubbing his nose and cursing under his breath, he looked up to find Avery, the bulky first year from Slytherin, looking down his nose at him.

“Watch where you’re going, you dirty scum.”

The boy was barely a few inches taller than him, but he was wide; his arms were probably three times the size of Remus’. His short dark hair was cut in a way that made his jaw look sharper and his brown eyes harder. Avery had his arms crossed over his chest, studying Remus like he was a piece of meat. Remus raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. 

The situation reminded him an awful lot of some experiences he’d had with some neighbourhood kids when he and his family had lived in East Sussex. Avery seemed like the kind of mindless bully that would love to pick on Remus just because of his small and scrawny complexion. Those other kids had certainly enjoyed making him their preferred target. But it was precisely because of that, that Remus knew to keep an eye on his surroundings and scurry when necessary. So he went around Avery, muttering a half-hearted apology and trying to move along, but was soon stopped by another figure that came from behind the slytherin.

“What’s the problem here?” a tall boy with platinum hair drawled. Remus contained a whine and looked up, he’d almost gotten away. There was contempt in the bloke’s voice as he looked at Remus. “Who are you?”

Remus silently studied the blonde for a second. The way he held himself, like he was royalty, was similar to Black’s, but different at the same time. His robes were equally expensive, he had a green and silver tie, and a badge pinned to his chest. Of course he was a prefect. Remus had that kind of luck. There was something in the older boy’s pale blue eyes that was making Remus’ hairs stand on end; he looked like he could be trouble, the kind Remus was aiming to avoid as much as possible.

“I’m Remus Lupin.”

“Lupin?” the prefect sneered. “I’ve heard about your father’s preferences. You are a half-blood.”

It wasn’t a question, so Remus didn’t deign to give him a reply. The way he’d said the last word though, as if it was rotten garbage in his mouth, had Remus frowning. What did that even mean? The bloke was making him nervous, and Remus tried not to shift in place. He didn’t want anyone looking at him that closely, let alone a prefect. No one could know.

“Um, who are you?” his voice sounded smaller than he would have liked, and Avery smirked as the prefect narrowed his eyes at Remus.

“Watch your mouth, boy. It’s Malfoy. Lucius Malfoy. You’d do well to remember my name.”

As Malfoy took a step forward, a large group of students appeared around the corner, almost bumping into them when they filled the whole corridor. Remus decided to use that chance to get away before things could get worse, and as the students walked past he blended in with them and disappeared into another hallway. He’d learn to recognize when someone was best to avoid, and Malfoy was definitely someone he didn’t want to cross paths with more than necessary.

Remus walked fast, trying to put as much distance between them as possible, and went in the first room he could find. Closing the door behind him, he leaned into it and closed his eyes. It was his first day of school, and he’d already had to escape from some possible bullies. He wasn’t kidding himself, the kids from his old neighbourhood had no idea why Remus was so weird, but he knew the students at Hogwarts would be able to tell if he showed enough signs, if they saw his scars. He hoped running away hadn’t made things worse.

Sighing, Remus opened his eyes again and was stunned to see where he’d ended up in his haste.

Books.

Thousands of books, right in front of him, neatly organized on shelves. He glanced around with his mouth slightly open. Rows and rows of bookcases, going from one wall to the other, filled the room. There were only a handful of windows that filtered the morning light, giving the space a calm atmosphere. A few students were sitting on the tables scattered all over the big room, but everything was so very quiet; the only sounds were those of quills going over parchment and pages turning.

Remus walked ahead, his eyes glued to all those old volumes, until he reached the front desk and a woman with a deep scowl appeared in his line of sight.

“Are you lost?” she barked.

She was looking at him as if he didn’t belong there. Remus felt himself shrink under that look, but the temptation was too much to just let it slide.

“No, um…are we allowed to borrow any of these books?” He knew that his eyes were wide, probably making him look a bit insane, but he couldn’t erase the expression from his face. To his surprise, the woman’s glare dimmed a little bit. Not enough to make her look less scary though.

“You can borrow any book, except for those on the Restricted Section.” She pointed to the back of the library, where a rope separated some books from the rest. “You’ll need a signed note from a teacher to have one of those checked out. The other books you can read here or take out of the library, if you get my permission first. But I warn you, if you tear, fold, smear or damage these books in any way, the consequences will be quite severe.”

She fixed him with a stern look, and Remus smiled shyly.

“I will be very careful, I promise.”

The librarian looked mildly surprised, but Remus wasn’t paying attention to her anymore. He was staring in awe at all the knowledge sitting in the room, waiting for him to dig into it. The charm they’d learned that morning had been harder than he’d expected, but he was pretty sure he had figured it out now. Maybe he could find a corner of the library to tuck himself away and practice some more. He could even find out which spells they would be learning, and try to learn them ahead of time to avoid himself more embarrassment. Remus hoped that if he practiced enough, he would be able to understand magic better and struggle less. Smiling to himself, he set off to explore the tall shelves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: slurs and mentions of past bullying


End file.
